About Me

My photo
After being told I would never be able to have children, I am now a stay-at-home Mommy to Maddie who happens to have Down Syndrome. I've been married 16 years to my best friend, having the time of my life. Thanks for stopping by and sharing in our little journey through life.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

The Beginning of the End or The Way to a Miracle?

On May 2nd we found out we were pregnant.

Today, June 4th, it was confirmed the baby had died. 

The verse that's lingering in my mind is Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever! Amen."

My body has refused to give up hope and has not begun the miscarriage process.  
It's been 3 weeks.
I couldn't commit to the finalization process.  
Although it makes no sense, my doctor suggested we do another ultrasound. 
So, next week I will go in once more to see if we find a heartbeat. 
This, however, is more than likely the beginning of the end.  

Hope drives us to do crazy things, but I'm not ashamed.  
I need to know that we have given God sufficient time to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine.  

In some ways by praying this verse over the situation, it seems like I'm putting God's power on trial.  
I believe he is able to breath life into this baby, but I also know that even if this is the beginning of the end, I will follow Him.  

When I asked why Ephesians 3:20-21, God led me to another verse, 2 Corinthians 12:9
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 

I confess I put God in boxes.
I say I believe in miracles, but do I really?
The definition of  a miracle states:
"a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency."

If on Tuesday we go and we do not see a heartbeat, I will look like a fool believing in miracles.
But what if we go and see the heartbeat?
I think I would rather risk being a fool than offending God with a spirit of unbelief.

Besides, even if this is the beginning of the end I won't fall,
Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you."

Click here to read The Follow Up

No comments:

Post a Comment