Starting a photography business is hard.
There's a lot of things that can get you down and cause frustration.
The constant barrage of information as well as competition is paralyzing.
Sometimes I begin to compare myself and the insecurities bubble up.
I can get in a funky state of mind that's not good.
It's negative, unproductive, and unnecessary.
The only thing I know to do when I get in the funk is to go to Scripture.
God gave me this verse, Psalm 37:23-24
"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they may stumble, they will never fall for He holds them by the hand."
I've clung to that verse like a barnacle holding on for dear life the last few days.
Reciting it over and over and over and meditating on it.
Finally, I had what they call in the therapy world "a breakthrough"
As I was driving home from the grocery store, I realized it didn't say If you ask nicely, God will direct the steps of the godly.
He just does it.
I was begging God to do something He just does. Period.
Then I realized I lacked belief.
I didn't really believe God did this because I have an internal, deep-set belief that I wasn't worthy of that kind of attention from God. Who am I that He would delight in every detail of my life and hold me by the hand?
This was huge.
Like gigantic, this-could-change-everything-huge!
The next realization solidified the entire experience.
As tears streamed down my face on the way home from the grocery store,
God assured me I was worthy of all of His attention not because I'm a good person,
or I did something right, or asked for the right thing...
but simply because of Jesus and the power of his blood.
Because of Jesus' work on the cross, I can have the chance to be reconciled to God and receive his gifts of presence, time, attention and guidance.
That's life-changing enough to change some misguided deep-set beliefs!!