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After being told I would never be able to have children, I am now a stay-at-home Mommy to Maddie who happens to have Down Syndrome. I've been married 16 years to my best friend, having the time of my life. Thanks for stopping by and sharing in our little journey through life.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Hyper Sensitive: Learning to Live Without Gracie

We're still dealing with the loss of Gracie, but it does seem to be getting better.  
For me, it's times when I drop food in the kitchen and think she'll be there to eat it up.
Or as I'm heading down the hall and turn the corner to wonder if she's left a little present there (she always chose the same spot to do her business when she had an accident)
Suddenly I remember she's gone.

For Maddie it's always coming home.  
She still calls out for her, running into the living room to find her. 
The first few times she just stood there looking confused.  
The last few times she's ran in and then put her hands to her head and said, "Oh no!"

She's pulled Gracie's albums out to look at pictures.
She's very confused and while I thought we were doing the right thing to try and prepare her by telling her Gracie was sick, every time one of us coughs or sneezes she immediately begins to cry.  
I think in her mind every one whose sick leaves forever.  
I've tried to explain that Gracie was different but I'm not so sure she gets the concept of same/different yet.
Every time we drive by CVS Pharmacy she yells, "Chicken!" 
Because both signs are red and white she thinks it's Chick-fil-A.  

Maddie is also suddenly realizing what it means to be scared.  
She's been scared of shadows and a few other things we couldn't quite make out. 
We told her that it's just the light making the shadows and that the light is good.  
She repeats the same phrase over and over to help herself get through it.  She nods her little head and says, "issok...light...isssgood...issok."  
She's had to process a lot lately but, poor little thing, but she's strong.

And it's getting better.  
She prompted a conversation about Gracie yesterday and we talked about how Gracie was with Jesus now in heaven and feeling much better!!
And she repeated, "isssok...Gace good...isssok." 


  1. This breaks my heart. I am so so sorry you had to say goodbye to your sweet pug. Our oldest pug just turned 9 and I cannot even begin to think of not having him around. Even my husband gets teary at the thought. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  2. I know...it's honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The strange thing is, it really does help to have people understand how hard it is, so I appreciate your comments so much!! I hope you don't ever have to make that decision with your pugs!!