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After being told I would never be able to have children, I am now a stay-at-home Mommy to Maddie who happens to have Down Syndrome. I've been married 16 years to my best friend, having the time of my life. Thanks for stopping by and sharing in our little journey through life.

Friday, December 21, 2012


Monday morning I found out I was pregnant.

Wednesday morning I found myself in the ER, having had a miscarriage. 

We knew it was always a possibility having both risk factors of an ectopic pregnancy or a trisomy 13 pregnancy. 

I'm still processing the week, and I'm discovering two things that help me deal with loss. 

1) I'm not sure if this is the most healthy thing to do, but it seems to help me. I give myself permission to cry as much as I want but only for a certain time frame.  I cried a lot on Wednesday and felt it was time to move on yesterday. 

Our preacher gave a sermon on loss a few weeks ago. 
We read from the 2 Samual 12 when David loses his son to an illness.
While his son was sick, David wept, fasted, and pleaded with God to save him.
Once his son had died, David washed up, ate, and worshiped God.

2) The other thing that I know has helped more than anything else is to focus on gratitude.

I am so grateful for those two wonderful days of knowing I was pregnant.  I swear I had an extra bounce in my step and I just couldn't stop smiling the entire time. 
These are days I will look back and always treasure and remember.

I am so grateful that this came sooner rather than later. 
I think it was God's gracious mercy on us. 

I am so very grateful to have Maddie. 
She had all of these same odds stacked against her and yet here she is!!

I'm grateful to have yet another perspective on what a miracle life is.

I am so grateful I will one day see our baby in heaven.
A wise, dear friend of mine suggested we name him.
Even though the pregnancy was early, I believe life begins at conception.
We have decided to name him Asa.
It means Healer in Hebrew.
We know he is completely healed and in the arms of Jesus.

OK, so maybe a few more tears and then I'll be done.  : )  


  1. I hope he is also playing with Lily. After much study, I feel confident enough to suggest that it may be that we were meant to raise them in Heaven. I believe we will, Sam.

    A lot of tears for you and Kyle here at our house. Thank you for writing the blog post. We love you.

  2. I think you are right, Mara. I think we will raise them in Heaven and I like that thought of Lily and he playing together. Miss you guys. Love you too!!