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After being told I would never be able to have children, I am now a stay-at-home Mommy to Maddie who happens to have Down Syndrome. I've been married 16 years to my best friend, having the time of my life. Thanks for stopping by and sharing in our little journey through life.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

My Tambourine Moment

"I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously; He...."

I attended the Beth Moore's Living Proof conference this weekend.  
At the end of our time there we were asked to complete the sentence above.  

Beth Moore is so gifted in the Word.  
We studied Exodus 15.
The Israelites have just crossed the Red Sea and have been delivered from the Egyptians.  
Chapter 15 is the song of Moses, rejoicing in what had just happened.  
We focused specifically on Miriam, Moses' sister who grabbed her tambourine and led the ladies in rejoicing.

In completing the first statement, we were defining our own tambourine moment.  
It's that moment in life that you cannot HELP but praise God, knowing the favor He has given.  
That moment when nothing else can explain what just happened.  
That moment when it's perfectly clear God has you in His hands, and He would do anything to 
fight. for. you.

Without getting too wordy, I'll just say really quickly the point that really hit home with me was "nobody appreciates deliverance like those who've nearly been destroyed." 

In order to understand my tambourine moment, I'll give a bit of background first. 

In high school and into my first years of college, I had extreme body image issues.  
I wanted SO BAD to be that coveted size 2.  
I was an athletic girl and was never big, but in my mind, I was HUGE.  
I envied so many of my friends with cute little figures and considered about what it might take to reach my dream.
The good thing was, I was too chicken to actually do the anorexic thing, but I counted calories and obsessed over diet and would say I may have been one devastation away from finding the courage. 

At 16, I was diagnosed with endometriosis and had my first surgery.
Recovering extremely quickly, it felt like no big deal.
At 20, all of the endometriosis had returned and we needed to repeat the same surgery. 
This time things didn't go so well. 
My surgery was on a Tuesday morning. 
By Friday, I was throwing up buckets of blood with a temperature of 104.
I have to insert a side note here for my Mom's sake-she called the doctors and did everything she could to convince them this was serious.
She was told I must have had an allergic reaction and should take some benadryl.
By early Sunday morning, I was in so much pain, I was on the bathroom floor and  thought to God, "this really hurts, is this what it feels like to die."
And maybe it was the 104 delirious-fever but I swear it was like an audible voice that just simply said, "yes."

Kyle and I were engaged to be married.
It was March and we were in the midst of planning our June wedding.  
I wasn't ready to die. 
I cried out for mercy, and felt myself slipping away.
I thought, I need to get upstairs and wake Mom up.
Before I could finish my thought, Mom was there.
She said, "we are taking you to the ER."
It was 2:00 in the morning. 
We've talked about it later, and we both know it was the exact same moment I cried out for mercy.  
God orchestrated it all.
At the ER, we discovered I was so dehydrated they estimated another 30 minutes, and I would have gone into cardiac arrest.  
I had depleted all of my potassium levels.  
It took 5 hours to re-hydrate me.
We would later find out I had staph infection...an abscess the size of a grapefruit.
Before the first surgery, I went in weighing 112.  
Two weeks later, I left the hospital weighing 94 pounds.  
It took 8 weeks to recover and when I went to buy some clothes, size 0 was too big.  

I looked in the mirror and suddenly realized how RIDICULOUS my dream to be a size 2 really was.  
It was all so foolish, and God saved me not only from physical death, but from the emotional bondage of body image.  
I haven't cared a lick what size I am since then, as long as I am healthy.  

"I will sing to the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously; He saved me and called me beautiful in His sight."
My tambourine moment!! 

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