Life keeps happening.
Its' been a very trying year so far.
Our first miscarriage in December.
Losing our beloved Gracie in February.
The tornado in May.
Furloughs in September.
And now our second miscarriage.
The ironic this is, for the first time in my life I have baby fever.
And if we were pawns in the game of life it would seem cruel that it's been taken from us.
But the thing is, my trust in God checkmates my own desires in this life.
He's proven himself trustworthy over and over again, and I believe that He is good.
Or, as Paul put it,
"I am crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me."
I finally get that verse.
It's about surrender.
Surrendering our rights.
Surrendering our desires, our wishes, our dreams, our plans.
Although it seems to the world as bondage, it was this verse that gave me freedom the weekend we found out we lost the baby.
Freedom from the bondage of being responsible for the loss and freedom from the unhealthy kind of grief that can weigh us down and keep us stuck.
Through His Spirit in me, I've learned to let it go...and trust.
It's also been yet another reminder of what an absolute miracle Maddie is!!
She brings us so much joy, how could I ever waste time with discontentment!