About Me

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After being told I would never be able to have children, I am now a stay-at-home Mommy to Maddie who happens to have Down Syndrome. I've been married 16 years to my best friend, having the time of my life. Thanks for stopping by and sharing in our little journey through life.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

My Breaking Point

It's been 16 days since our lives were uprooted and changed by the tornado. 
There have been a lot of ups and downs.

Lately though it feels like more downs, but I have to say, God always provides what we need when we need it.

Last Saturday, Day 12,  I was at my breaking point.
After the 5+ inches of rain, water was pouring in like a faucet.
 We had already had a crew out to cut out and remove the wet insulation and drywall.
With the condition of our roof, and the amount of rain we had, there was no way the tarps could keep the rain at bay.

So, we were back to square one:
Remove wet insulation and drywall
debris removal.
Our neighbor's pod blew over.

The owner of the pod came out later and said it weighs over 2200 lbs.

Our plan for the day was to head to Woodward and see Maddie.
The last day we had seen her was Monday and I knew I couldn't wait another day.

But now...more clean up...more headache...more mess...NO MADDIE!
I was mad.
I was frustrated.
I was fed up.
All I wanted was to see Maddie and leave town for a couple of days.

I had to go to the church to pick up a few things we needed.
While I was there, Nathan asked if we could use some help.
A group of six had come from Manhatten, KS to help out.

They followed me home from the church.
On the way home, I was listening to K-love on the radio and heard
Worn by Tenth Avenue North

It perfectly expressed exactly how I felt, and I was literally sobbing.

But God sent Ben, Jim, Ben, Cindy, Cassidy, and Kelsey to help us pick up the pieces and put things back together.  
I couldn't hide my feelings and had a meltdown in my driveway.  
Cindy held me and reassured me they would get things done so I could go see my baby.
They worked so hard!
And within a few short hours, everything was done!
We drove to Woodward and had a happy reunion with Maddie that night!
I cannot express how great it was to see her and spend some time away from it all.
Right now she's still staying in Woodward while Kyle and I stay at Tinker Temporary Housing on base. 
We are working hard to get everything finished to be able to bring her back home permanently.
She's been through a lot but her resilience amazes me.  

Naturally, she's scared of storms now.  
It's hard because I know I'm not able to comfort this fear.  
I told her to talk to God, and tell him you are scared.
I told her He's with you and will help you feel safe.  
After telling her this during a thunderstorm in Woodward, she settled down and went right to sleep. 

If you ever think that I seem strong through all of this, you have to know I'M NOT!
It's not at all my strength you may see, but 100% God's. 
I tried to carry this burden the first few days and I was shocked by how weak I really am.  
Had we not attended church services the following Sunday, Day 6, I'm afraid I would have believed Satan when he loves to reveal what we are really made of.  
It's like a war zone.  
Physically and spiritually.

God has been so sweet through all of this.
Gentle whispers that remind me He is here.  
Like my cross necklace I found on Day 2.
This was a ledge in the Master Bathroom.  
I had several things on it and all of them blew off, except for this delicate, tiny necklace.
I don't even know why it was there. 
Kyle had bought this for me while we were still engaged, 14 years ago.
I haven't worn it in years because the chain had been tangled up kinked and I hadn't gotten it fixed yet.
But for some reason, it was there.
Like a little tiny God-whisper that says, "I'm here."

Even though there's been lots of ups and downs, I think the ups have been higher than the lowest downs. 
So we keep moving forward, little by little.  
Thanks again to all of you who have continued to check on us, pray for us, and help out in so many ways!  
We can never, ever adequately thank you.  
And a very, very special thanks to the crew from Manhatten, KS!
I will never forget you or the events that happened on Day 12.
You were there when we needed you most!!  
I hope this post finds its way to you as well as many, many blessings. 

1 comment:

  1. Your message has blessed my heart, with the love that only GOD can give. I am connected thru your sister Mara's beautiful art, and the fact that we are all Christians. Tho I am not close enough to do anything physically for your family, I will continue to pray for all of you, know God in his mercy will give you the things you need in their perfect moment. Love in Christ, Jill