I think most little girls dream about growing up and having babies.
I'm not even sure if Maddie is physically able to have children. There's a lot of mixed reviews when I googled it.
I honestly don't remember if I grew up thinking I would be a Mom.
When I thought about growing up, in my mind 25 years old was grown up, and I never thought about life past that.
Ironically, I was 25 when I was told I wouldn't be able to have children.
The writing was on the wall, so the news wasn't shocking.
We build a lot of facades in life.
Maybe it's a coping mechanism.
Maybe it's because reality is too much to bear.
My facade was that I wanted children...some day.
The truth was, when I was told I wouldn't be able to have children I thought it was just confirmation that I wouldn't have been a good mom.
It was for the best.
We told friends and family that we would adopt some day, but I knew in my heart life was as it should be.
So when I found out I was pregnant, the exhilarating joy overshadowed the enormous responsibility that lay ahead.
I realized God trusted me more than I trusted myself.
I resolved I would not betray his trust.
Motherhood is a tricky balance though.
You devote all of who you are to these precious little ones but you can't lose yourself in the process.
You sacrifice all you know to give but you have to reserve some energy for the other people in your life.
You stretch yourself and find yourself doing things only for the sake of your children, yet personal growth takes away time with them.
It's not easy.
On my worst days, the old messages have a way of creeping back in my mind.
But on my best days, my joy cannot be contained.
And my best days have a way of overshadowing the worst!!
In the words of Switchfoot, "the shadow proves the sunshine."
For all my Mommy friends, when the bad days come (because they will) know that you were perfectly designed to be the Mommy of your little ones.
Know that God holds all the wisdom to navigate through the shadows.
And know that the light of the good times can eliminate the even the darkest shadow.